3 Things I Love About Myself Today

33 Things I Love About Myself Today
1. My painted toe nails.
They are so cute and I think my get look super pretty. It made me so happy to do a little self-care thing like that.
2. Looking for a new job.
I looked in the newspaper, but did not see any positions that were in the field I wanted. I found a few online though.
3. Making time for my friends.
I have plans to do some stuff with my friends today. It might not pan out today, but I'm trying.

I've decided to start doing a little thing to make me feel better about myself and to boost my confidence.

I am going to start listing 3 things I love about myself everyday. I tried to do a food diary on tumblr, but recurved no feedback so I don't think I will be doing that any more.

I took my before pictures that are better quality than the ones I took a while ago.

I felt really sick when I woke up this morning and I am now seriously considering going back to a day job rather than a night job.  It's not the first time that I have felt so sick when waking up for work. I feel sick or sleep deprived almost constantly. I had to leave my friends to go to work and I feel like I missed out, a lot. That's not the first time I've had to do that either and the last time really sucked because Savanna had the time of her life and I was miserable at work. I put my resume into a couple of places at work force. I'm not really qualified for any of the jobs I want, but I don't want the job I have.

Update, update, and update

Ok. So, I am truly bad at following through. I know this. I'm going to keep trying though.

I got a second job and promptly lost my first. A lot of bullshit and politics there, but whatever.

I have bought a small juicer and plan to start making juices again for at least one meal a day maybe two. I decided to try frozen fruits and veggies rather than fresh because fresh veggies can go bad so quick and because it requires less effort.

I spent a lot of money and calories buying lunch at work rather than packing one like I did the first few days. I bought a lot of candy and chips and things.

Savanna has moved back and once she found out that I had PCOS became adamant about going on a diet with me for my health. I'm truly glad to have her in my life.

I'm not at home right now so getting everything in order has been a bitch. There are done self care things that I need to do over the next few days, like cleaning and washing my car, cleaning my room, getting my hair cut, and stuff like that.

I need to find a different time to set my alarm to blog because 11pm isn't really working anymore.

Wow, it's been awhile...

Two weeks? Oh, well.

I have not been doing well as far as diet and exercise. I have had a hard time getting myself out of bed to walk Ebony.

I have two jobs now. It's not a great excuse, but I'm trying to figure out how to work both jobs and eat right and workout.

The biggest challenge is that I'm not working nights at Walmart right now. I should be on nights next week. I'm going to nights at the hospital tomorrow so I won't have any reason to be so lazy.

I have my problems with motivation, but I have made a commitment to take care of Ebony. I watch a lot of the TV show The Dog Whisperer to learn how to control her. It works pretty well for me, but I am unsure as to why my mom cannot get Ebony to behave.

I think of my mom starts walking the dog it would help her to be more assertive with the dog.

I have not made flavor water in a long time. Almost a month. I've been drinking a lot of soda. That's going to have to stop.

I am going to be doing a lot of house sitting for a few people over the next few weeks. It stresses me out to be away from home that long. The good thing is, I guess, that I will be making a few more bucks. I want to get rid of my debts and I am willing to whatever I have to.

Daily Update

Guess who's drinking wine and had with in the morning? Me!

I made brownies the other day and I have been eating at least 2 small brownies a day. Also! There are done Pepsi's in the fridge from Easter and I've been having at least one, usually two, each day for the past week or so.

I don't have a lot of self control when it comes to stuff like that. Well, I don't have much at all really.

I just want it gone. If it's fine then I won't see it and want it and drink/eat it.

Daily update

It's been an ok couple of days. I finally went to the grocery store and got a bunch of veggies. I don't think I will be eating salads very much anymore. I easy huge salads and then I'm hungry again half an hour later.

I am seeing the scale move down. That's nice. I hope that I can keep it up. Or down, whatever. Haha.

I've been really sleepy lately. It's all I want to do. When I start this second job I will have to stay extra motivated to do regular stuff and fitness stuff.

Daily Update

Did my first workout in a long time and it felt pretty good. I think now that I've done it I can remember why I enjoyed it so much in the past and how I lost almost 30lbs last summer.

I'm still having trouble with my diet. I eat candy at work all of the time. I am not sure how to get myself under control. I hope that this second job will be able to keep me on track by having a larger income. I also feel more focused when in at work sometimes because I feel like people are watching me.

Daily update

Ok, so it doesn't work great on days that I work to write at night, bit that's OK.

I finally made my fitspo board as well as a board for my workouts, workout schedule and a weight loss tracker.

I got home late from work and doubt want the light to keep me up and from sleeping, so I am going to wake up early to workout today.

Daily update, part 2

I posted earlier today, but upon further reflection of my paying habits decided that I should change my posting time. I have a reminder set on my phone to blog at 11pm now instead of 5am. I think that might work a little better. We'll see.

I'm working on my fitspiration board as I listen to Welcome to Nightvale. I am making a gif amount of progress on it and as soon as I'm doing with that I can stay on my work out board.

I took a job at Walmart. I didn't get paid as much add I wanted to, but I might still take the job at the Hampton. It would be swing shifts during the afternoon-evenings, rather than nights. It all depends on how much I make. I don't know. I don't really want to wake up at 1 to be ready for work at 3, but I would like to make as much money as I can. I'll wait it out, I guess.

Kindra asked me to babysit and I said I would and then I immediately had to back out because I will be out of town on the days she needed me. It sucks that I am not able to be there for her. Sometimes I'm so busy and I don't have time to do anything so that when I get time of I waste it all doing pretty much nothing. I don't have any clothes for work because I didn't do laundry. If I have to stay working more I have to figure out how to control my own life. Maybe if I took my meds every day that might help.

Daily Update

Today I am headed to Walmart to take a job offer and to take a drug test as well.

I really would rather have the other job, so I am going to try and hold off getting scheduled as long as I can. I am going to feel guilty either way if I get the other job, but whatever.

I have not been eating well at all. I don't have any money to fix it either.

I have made progress on my fitspiration board. I made a stencil, but it didn't work like I wanted and was getting a bit sloppy.

I also figured out my workouts and a schedule. I have plans to make a board similar to my fitspiration board.

I've been feeling a little ill these past few days and haven't  taken Ebony for a walk. I think while mom is working on dinner tonight I will take her for a walk. Poor girl needs it and I'm the only one who will really do it.

Daily Update

I did something that I'm really proud of today. I was hungry. I was lazy. I got all the way to the car, but then I turned around and went back inside to make some food. I was unreasonably proud of myself for it. So, because I did that I ate a while bunch of candy later. That's not a huge tragedy I suppose, but I do need to work harder to control myself.

I might be going to Thermopolis today. I'm not sure because I have to buy minutes on my phone. I can't keep choosing what I want over what needs to be done. That's part, actually all of the reason why I'm looking for a second job. I feel so much pressure from all of these bills that I have and I'm doing the wrong thing over and over and over again.

Ok, let's do this for real this time

I don't think it's the medium by which I choose to chronicle my journey, but rather my inability to commit to it.

I have been way off track for the offset several days. I applied to a couple of places and have been interviewing all week. Wal-mart went well and I would be really surprised if I didn't get a job offer. The Hampton was a little harder. I got an interview. I went yesterday and he rescheduled for today. I went today and I think that I did ok. I won't know for a few days and that's nerve racking.

All that aside, I went to Thermopolis over Easter weekend and was in the hot springs for a bit and I realized later that my knee felt absolutely fantastic. I am going back this weekend. If something can make me feel that good, then I'm doing it all of the time.

I wrote in my food journal today and hope to do it again tomorrow and every day after.

I am not looking forward to work tonight. The Rez got their settlement and there is so much money on so few people that there are going to be problems. Very violent problems. Awesome.

I figured out how to make the inspiration cards for my room and cards.

Daily update

I have had a rough couple of days. Fell off my meds due to a scheduling error and I am reaping the consequences. I'm tired to my very core, all the time. Now that I have a full scrip and some motivation for Easter weekend I hope to find some more energy.

I didn't walk Ebony today and that's pretty shitty of me. It's cold, I woke late, I promised to do it later. All just excuses.

My focus tomorrow is to start on my motivation posters and to prepare for guests this weekend.

Getting Started and Making Goals

I had a livejournal, but it didn't seem to motivate me at all.
I want to find out if that's a me thing or because I didn't really like livejournal so much.
We'll see if this works out better.
The truth is that I want people to see this and I don't.
If no one sees it I won't feel like I have anything to hide so I can be completely honest. If people do see it then maybe they will motivate me either directly or indirectly.

Let's start with the basics:

Height - 5'6"
Weight - 260
Neck - 15"
Arm - 18 1/2”
Forearm - 12"
Bust - 48 1/2"
Chest - 43 3/4"
Waist - 45 3/4"
Hips - 53"
Thigh - 30 1/4"

I have been trying to do little things to help me along the way.
It's harder because my mom says that she's willing to do all of this stuff with me, but she doesn't. She won't eat vegetables and she won't stop buying sweets and junk food. Then I marginalize when I eat bad foods and overeat.

What really needs to happen is that I need to pick myself up, dust myself off, and clean up the mess my life is.

Goal 1
I'm supposed to be tracking my spending, but I'm not. So, when I wake up this afternoon I'm going to find every receipt that I can and organise them. After that I'm going to put them all into the expense tracker that I way back in December. There should be enough data that I can then make a budget for myself.

Goal 2
The next thing I'm going to do is a self-portrait photo set. I want to get all dolled up and wear clothes that make me feel good and use those as the pictures for the start of my journey. I don't think that before and after pics have to show you in a bad light.

Goal 3
I used to a poster hanging on my wall of my work out schedule. I would like to create another one that has the exercises from therapy. I'm allowed to do some of my old exercises in limited amounts and I'm quite happy about that.

Goal 4
I've been thinking about a good way to make an inspiration board and I think I've figured out the best way. I am going to use a large poster with smaller cards on it that I hand write (maybe stencil?) messages on. I use the poster as the main board and then have some of the cards around the house, at work, in the car, and tucked in random places to keep me mindful and motivated.

Goal 5
I know that I have an ultimate goal of losing about 100lbs to a weight of 150ish, but if I only think about that number I'm never going to get anywhere. I need to work on breaking my goals down into smaller sets and tracking them at more consistent intervals. I really only do measurements when I start over on my journey after veering off for a month or two. I need to make a schedule for weigh-ins and measurements and stick to  it.

Goal 6
I do indeed have a lot of bills from my initial injury and from the surgery. The truth of the matter is that I can't pay it off with the money I'm making now and I most likely won't be able to get full time at my job at this time. I really don't want to get another job, but it needs to be done. I am looking at front desk jobs at hotels because that's probably where I am most likely to get a night position and I can't really do a lot of the labor that a job at a convenience store would require.

Goal 7
I have been collecting recipes for a while now and I think I have enough that I can make a weekly menu. This goal honestly is not at the top of my list and I think as long as I can go to the store once a week and get by my other goals will be enough for a little bit. The thing about this goal is that I want my mother to be a part of it too. I can't make dinner every night and when she does make dinner there needs to be more veg than just potatoes. Until that happens I'll just keep collecting recipes.